Enneagram 7
Motivation: To avoid pain & discomfort
7s are people who are motivated to stay in the positive half of life. They are often charismatic, positive, and enjoy the freedom to make their own decisions. 7s are typically characterized as “the life of the party”, and while that is typically true, many 7s may find just as much joy sitting at home with their favorite book. The common thread that unites all 7s is a fear of feeling stuck in any one situation - so while they may enjoy being at home, that’s because the 7 chose to be there, and probably has three other options for what to do when they get tired of reading.
7s are valued for the lightness and fun that they bring to everything. Because they don’t do well with hard emotions or boring situations, 7s are often regarded as the “fun one” in the group who always has a good idea about to do next. 7s can also be very easy-going and amenable as long as they are not asked to do something that feels bad or boring. They are good to have around when you need to be pulled out of a funk, because 7s believe that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. They often make good therapists for precisely this reason.
The hard part of being a 7 is the discomfort or anxiety that they feel when they sense that they are stuck or going to be stuck in a situation they do not want to be in. 7s often kick into high gear here, either avoiding the responsibility completely or finding a way to make it easier. It can be very difficult to pin a 7 down for a hard conversation, and even harder to make them do something that they don’t want to do. 7s enjoy opportunities without expectations, and that can be hard when you are their partner or boss. 7s have a difficult time sticking through the hard stuff without wanting to ignore it or get rid of it.
Center: Head
Head triad number (5, 6, 7) all have a general attitude of unwariness towards the uncertainties that life brings with it. Behind this unwariness is a fear of being overtaken or overwhelmed by the world.
7s combat this fear by ensuring that they have the freedom to change their situation at any given turn. 7s may experience extreme anxiety when they feel pigeon-holed into one thing or experience, especially if it comes with hard or difficult feelings (either their own or the feelings of someone else).
7s often do not relate to feeling fearful because they have lived their entire life making sure that they have enough control over their situation to never feel that anxiety of being stuck. When 7s find the Enneagram, it may be years since the last time they slowed down enough to feel the fear of immobility.
Stance: Independent
Independent numbers (3, 7, 8) are all feeling repressed and have an independent reference point. This means that these numbers are united by a difficulty accessing genuine connection with others and are all able to stand independent from their environment and not be affected by it.
Feeling repression often shows up as “steamrolling” others in an attempt to get what that number wants. In 7s, feeling repression means that they can often be viewed as dismissing the hard feelings of others or wanting to move on from them too quickly. Partners of 7s can report feeling not emotionally cared for by the 7, especially when they need to corner the 7 with a hard conversation or something that can’t be immediately fixed. 7s often struggle with difficult emotions that can’t be immediately fixed or reframed into a more positive light.
An independent reference point means that these numbers are able to stand apart from their environment. This results in all three of these numbers not feeling obligated to respond to other peoples’ pleas for attention, time, or care. These numbers don’t often feel guilty for pursuing what they want, even if it goes against what those around them want.
Vice: Reframing
Reframing is the act of turning a negative experience into a positive one, and it is an extremely integral part of the inner life of a 7. 7s often find themselves remembering experiences more positively than others, and may go so far as to not even remember bad experiences at all. Reframing is not something done to past experiences - it is something that is done IN THE MOMENT of the experience. What that means is that as something bad is happening to a 7, their brain is instantly focusing on the silver lining and may only store that information. This protects the 7 from having to deal with uncomfortable situations or complicated feelings. It allows the 7 to remember situations as better than what really happened so that they do not have to process or spend time with things that make them uncomfortable.
In real life, this is often a useful tool. 7s can be relied on for a positive spin on events when needed, and may help others walk through hard events with a levity that is incredibly helpful. At other times, though, this can be detrimental for the 7, as it keeps them from processing important events in their life until much later.