Enneagram 3
Core Fear: Being unworthy of love
Core Desire: To be valued
Overview
Heart Triad
Enneagram 3s are in the Heart Triad, which means they value adaptability, emotional intelligence, interpersonal dynamics, & relationships. Heart triad numbers (2, 3, 4) walk into a room and see how themselves and others are interconnected. When a 3 walks into a room, they often immediately notice who is most influential & who has the most social power in the room.
Feeling empty
At their core, 3s feel like there is nothing about them that would make people enjoy having them around. They may feel boring, annoying, or just plain nothing! In order to combat this, 3s dress themselves up with valuable character traits such as charisma, humor, or intelligence. They also value awards, degrees, and other cultural markers of success and value.
Independent Stance
3s are in the independent stance, which means that they have an independent reference point. This makes them not feel obligated to respond to people or environments that they don't want to be involved with. Their independent reference point also gives them the ability to choose where to put their focus, which for a 3 is often whatever goal they've set recently.
Enneagram 3
Enneagram 3s are people who believe that they must act a certain way in order to earn admiration from others and prove their worth. They are people-oriented and are often incredibly in-tune with what their social circle or professional environment finds valuable. 3s often find themselves changing their personality to fit a room without a second thought, making them adept at altering their personalities for whatever audience they find themselves in front of. This can cause 3s to appear more successful, put together, and charismatic than they truly feel at their core.
At their best, Enneagram 3s are cheerleaders, with a strong affinity for coaching others and bringing value to whatever team they are a part of. They are people who can find the best way to elevate their own life as well as yours. At their worst, they can be narcissistic and over-identify with their accomplishments, forgetting who they really are.
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All 3s struggle with showing their true feelings. In order to feel valuable, 3s often only put out the feelings that they feel are acceptable at the current moment, often making them incredibly personable but not very personal. The real problem for 3s comes when they engage in this behavior so often that they themselves forget how they truly feel. 3s above all are trying to convince themselves that they are more interesting and valuable than they feel at their core, and they are the first ones to fall for their own deceit. With enough time, 3s learn to identify only with what they have done and the personality they have crafted, making it very hard to get to know the real them. This can cause 3s to feel lonely and disconnected from those who love them.
In stress, Enneagram 3s move to 9. This causes them to become apathetic and sluggish in a stark contrast to their usual action-oriented behavior. Being stuck in 9 can cause a 3 to spin their wheels without moving anywhere. With time, 3s can learn to slow down and stop in a healthy way by accessing 9. This can give them a chance to gather their thoughts and connect to themselves before entering back into the world.​
In security, 3s move to 6. In 6, 3s are more community-oriented and care about others. They would rather the team succeed than themselves, even if they get no personal recognition for doing so. 6 causes 3s to value relationships and trust above medals and awards, allowing them to truly connect to those that are important to them.