Enneagram 4

Core Fear: Being insignificant

Core Desire: To find their own meaning & be understood by others

Overview

Heart Triad

Enneagram 4s are in the Heart Triad, which means they value adaptability, emotional intelligence, interpersonal dynamics, & relationships. Heart triad numbers (2, 3, 4) walk into a room and see how themselves and others are interconnected. When a 4 walks into a room, they may immediately notice how they are different from others in the room.

What is my purpose?

At their core, 4s are afraid that there is nothing significant or meaningful about who they are. They struggle with wanting to find their exact purpose & meaning in a world that often wants them to just be quite and go with the flow. In order to combat this, 4s try to find meaning in everything they do. They value connection with others & enjoy feeling like they are able to be truly themselves.

Solitary Stance

4s are in the solitary stance, which means that they have an internal reference point. This causes them to withdraw when they feel like they haven't been able to fully parse out their feelings about something. It also may make them withdraw when they feel unseen or misunderstood. Their internal reference point lets them reference everything against how they feel and their own significance to the problem at hand.

Enneagram 4

Enneagram 4s are people who want to find their unique significance in the world. People often talk about 4s struggling to find their identity, but the real problem is deeper than that. Many 4s will say that they know exactly who they are; it's translating that into a human body and the ordinary realities of human life that is hard for them. Many 4s struggle with the fact that there may not be one singular purpose that they can fulfill for the world. It is a fact of life that many people can fulfill the same role, and that is very difficult for 4s to come to terms with.

If anybody can do the job, doesn't that make me unimportant?

At their best, Enneagram 4s are spiritual guides, with a strong affinity for connecting deeply with others and pulling out true authenticity in anyone they connect with. They are people who are interested in the deepest parts of you. At their worst, they can start to withhold themselves from others due to their fear of being defective and unable to fit in, indulging in melancholy and and self-pity to soothe their woes.

All 4s struggle with the painful ordinary pattern of life. In order to feel truly connected to themselves and their feelings, 4s often focus on only the extraordinary parts of life because that is where they find beauty and meaning. They may over-identify with a certain aesthetic or spend too much time dissecting relationships and interactions they've had with others. The real problem for 4s comes when they engage in this behavior so often that they lose all ability to relate to people on an ordinary level. Low-functioning 4s will fall victim to envy and give in to the idea that they are missing something fundamental to the human experience. With enough solitude, 4s can create an entire narrative about themselves that revolves around this missing piece. This can cause 4s to feel at odds with life, unable to see their own incredible gifts because they are too focused on what they lack.

In stress, Enneagram 4s move to 2. This moves their attention from internal to external, causes them to become needy, over-involved, and clingy. Being stuck in 2 can cause a 4 to overly rely on a connection with others to give their life meaning. With time, 4s can learn to slow down and meet others in an unselfish and genuine way by accessing the healthy parts of 2. This can give them a chance to focus on others without needing to parse out how it relates back to themselves and their sense of place in the world.

In security, 4s move to 1. In 1, 4s are able to access discipline and efficiency. They become more objective and principled, able to put the task ahead of their own feelings. 1 gives 4 the ability to step into the world without needing to figure out how they feel about the world first.